So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
