come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sober January is a disaster.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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