Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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