Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
