you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
