You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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