she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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