Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
