someone threw a dead crab at me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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