I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
