Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
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Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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