i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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