Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
