don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
