So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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