No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
