Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize