I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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