just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
