First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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