your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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