Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
