Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
