I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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