worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Couch. On fire.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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