I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
