how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
