My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
