so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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