you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
