he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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