Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
