I'm eating all of the evidence.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
