I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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