Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
