If you die in college, do you die in real life?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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