If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
