this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
