billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
