I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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