She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
