i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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