There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I want to have your abortion
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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