he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
