people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
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Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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