Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
