How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
After last night, I could never be a politician.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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