After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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