okay pat passed out under dana's car
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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