if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
