Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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