i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
