Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
