absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
