I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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