I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
