I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
