when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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