The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
