We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
