I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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