i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
