Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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