His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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