The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
