He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dick very happy bro
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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