The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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