omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
my poor anus
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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