i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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