It was confusing and full of hummus
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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