Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
