You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
