Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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