So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
