i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
