So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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