I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I could fuck to npr.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
