I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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