I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
