Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that's an acceptable place to lick
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
