im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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