Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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